my chacha!

You can be angry but before that please get YOUR FACTS RIGHT.

These words hit me so hard. After seeing those, i really dunno how to react. And dont know what to write here. Wanted to vent my anger, but it seems that there’s none left. Only fragments of loneliness and wet patches on my sleeves.

Work has been pretty tough for me. And maybe because of it, i get paranoid with every single thing that is not going my way. i thought i can get along well since i’m not so hard to get along. But there are really some pple , no matter what, will get into your way and will try to make things difficult for you. How would you feel when the stack of paper was purposely pushed over and messed up by someone who seems to be trying to help but isnt? With such traps laid out, everyday is like fighting a war.

Getting weary every single day. Hoping to find someone who can really understand but  who can i go to? Who can be the one that i can vent my anger on and not get angry? Who can be that someone who will cheer me up when i look normal but i’m not. Who can be that person who will be willing to lend me a shoulder to lean on when i really need one in wee hours? i guess for now there isnt any who will be willing.

I like pouring out here. I must feel better again so that i can continue to fight the war.  Even if there no one to support me. I must still carry on living, earning money for my parents.  Even if u deicde to leave me, i can do nothing too. I will wished you well, and i’m sure you can find a better someone.

Not alone but lonely

Sigh, we are drifting apart right? Ya, mayb  you are right , both of us are in the wrong. But why do i have this feeling that you are always blaming me?!?

You say you wanted to remake the sincere and happy times 21 months ago, and everything just went back to square one yesterday. Do you really think that i will always try to pick a fight with you meh? Its just my way to cover up my stress and sadness. I know you are stress with alot of things too, that’s why i try not to complain and talk about my work as much as posssible. I thought you would understand but i’m so wrong.  I thought you will give in to me abit more, but you just stick to your ego again.

This’s the only place i guess that could allow me to vent out my frustrations and hurts. Is a BBH so difficult ? is calling me so difficult? Is FIFA on iphone 4 so fun and enjoyable than being with me? i suddenly felt this way.  Like how my frens treat their boyfriends, i should just follow too, we should’nt spend time tgt, only when its necessary. That way, there will be less hurts and fights. You can do what you want , to lie and cheat on me, and i can do what i want too, to lie  to you too . I think this’s the best way for both of us not to quarrael and make peace.

Cant you see?

that we are drifting apart?

Perhaps i’ve held you too tightly till you feel that you are suffocating.

I should let you go.

At the end of the day, all i want was just a simple lunch togetehr with you, but i just cant bring myself to tell you.

Like what my friend says, the person whom you want to talk to cant be with you 24/7, so be strong!

One day i shall come here all by myself, isnt it great when you can relax without any disturbance and baggage?

I should be happy, no, i must be happy!

insomnie

Read Sharon Au’s blog, her blog has character and her own style! I love reading her blog, always set me thinking ! hehe

Towards the end of her recent post, she wrote:

Each night before you go to sleep, can you say to yourself  ” I lived”?

Yet i cannot. That’s why i have insomnia

I guess when we live a fruitful and purposeful life,with no regrets and guilt,  then we can have a really peaceful sleep and 一觉到天明！

Well, i’ve now started my 3 months contract work,on my 2nd week already and  i can say i’m still adjusting slowly to the hectic lifestyle, sometimes when you will suddenly wake up and thought it’s time for work, when you realise its only 4am in the morning~ 😡 hmm, maybe i’ve not “lived” Still, thank JESUS that i can sleep while worrying man! HAHAHA! 2 mths and 2 weeks left to be exact, i hope time can pass quicker! I cant wait for Aug to end!!!!!

for those who have insomnie, try waking up like 6am in the morning for a week, if you still cant sleep, pls visit your nearest doctor! LOLS!

我不快乐

这几天过得很烦很烦。想到身上没有钱就烦！有些东西只有钱才能解决。我恨不得快点找到工作， 快点上班，快快领导薪水！

i cant understand why are there such ungrateful pple..when they need money they come after you begging, when they got the money they turn their face away from you, and worse still why are there pple who are willing to lend or invest ALL of their savings to such pple?!?! Dont you know when you are in need of money they will come up with all SORTs of excuses and promises, yet not fulfilling them while you suffer? Dont you know you might not even get those money back? I’ve seen so many ugly faces,  I really want to tear off their masks. I dont want to see my loved ones living in fear, thinking where and how to get money when they are in need. I dont even want them to BEG just to get their money back.

My mumma lived a hard life saving up for our education for our future..yet lending ALL to my aunt and never gotten a single cent back..i dont want her to suffer, dont beg anymore ok? 😥

Meow meow

Had headache since fri till now. Its the worst i’ve gotten. Heard alot of my classmates are having headaches too. Must take care yup! Could it be due to the rain?  i recently receive a msg saying that this mth till 28 Apr there will be acid rain (the worst in 750 years). I quickly sent to pple i know, and who knows that day i sent i kena the rain! 😥 That was on thurs. So pple do tc and dont get caught in the rain!

Friday was the best and worst nights i’ve been thru. The worst is already over and hope it wont happen again. Dont break my heart again. I believe broken hearts can be healed and cracks can be mended, but too much breaking will cause the person not willing to accept and mend it back.

Anyway, i wanna thanks those who cheer me up during the chalet, sorry if i spoilt the birthday happy mood 😦 Wanna thanks Alice jie jie especially, thanks for praying for me! The words really spoke right into my heart! Love u!

xiu ah, dont look back and regret anymore, do what you can and let ABBA father do the rest!

Life is too short to stay upset with anyone; especially your loved ones

ROAR

My exams are  near. I’m getting fidgity as days goes by. Different people have different indications of stress revealing in them. Most will definately experience sleepless nights, till sometimes they got used to it? Others, stomach uncomfort? Loss of appetite or A HUGE  APPETITE (i’m one of them).

Recently i experience panic attacks, i dont know if anyone experiences it like i do. That day, papa was hiding beside one of the opened cupboard, and when i was walking towards the cupboard, he burst out and scared the hell out of me. If you know me well, i’m those who wont get scared easily. But this time i screamed till my head fell, and burst out sobbing. Ofcourse papa began to panic and comfort me. But after i cried all out i really feel alot alot better, its like these past few weeks of intensity being  released. Crying do help release stress i guess.

Its not easyto pick myself up after falling so many times. I’m just worried about my finances, my degree, and future. I read someone’s blog and i can totally understand how she felt cause i experience it in my own situation too. 😦

And year after year, instead of getting easier (because you supposedly know the syllabus better),
it gets so much harder because you just need to conquer yourself and self-esteem. 😦

if anyone who read my blog, and seeing me sulking and daydreaming, please dont assume that i’m “EMO” or that i’m angry over certain issues. I dont need anyone’s pity, and yet  i’m not indulging in self-pity. If you went thru exams and stress, there are times when you dont feel like talking, there are times when you’ll let your mind wander right? In this stressful period i do hope you guys can be more understanding, i’m not pin pointing anybody. A warm hug, a hearty breakfast, a sms will really do, i dont expect much.

For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. ²⁴ Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.

I got to speak 3 times as much as i pray!

I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!  I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it! I can do it! I can do it!I can do it!

Lost an opportunity

But i’m kind of relieved. Mayb that’s what He wanted ? He know’s what i’m facing, and if i really get this opportunity, i might have to scrim and save. I know there’s another opportunity just around the corner waiting for me to find out.

I really have to salute myself of overcoming the VERY tempting temptation! I’m halfway thru, and i’ll overcome it! 4 more days actually, but i wanna extend it to 7 Apr, cuz its when my project’s due.

Another thing is that, we’re finding bf for nomnom! yeah, so excited. There’s only one type of BF we’ll get for her, but the thing is, there are so many of that type out there! We have to select carefully. HEHE!

i’m so frustrated that i cant get anything into my head for the test this coming week. That’s why i come here for a breather.

Human are fragile and complicated. I can beg to agree. Cause i realise i can be SO COMPLICATED.

I know why, cause i’ve let my thoughts run wild and let it rule my life too much. I need to stop all these.

I should learnt from Mae, not to be complicated, to keep my big fat mouth SHUT lest i offend anybody. Mayb this way, i could score well for all my upcoming tests, projects and exams just like her.

Alot of things that had happened recently made me dizzy. I cant think properly recently.

I should head to Mr D soon, should i?

My heart, are u failing me nao, when i needed u the most?